Carren W. Joye
All parents want their children to have friends. Getting
together with friends at the park, playing with friends at day
care or preschool, or visiting with relatives are part of a
preschooler's social life. Also important are going over to a
friend's house and inviting them over to play for a playdate.
All of these activities facilitate friendships for your toddler
or preschooler.
Unfortunately, personalities and play styles may sometimes clash
during these get-togethers. However, if you are prepared, you
can help these playdates go so much more smoothly. Here are 10
ways to ensure a perfect playdate.
1. Invite a small and even number of children. Inevitably, with
an odd number of children, one child will be left out of the
fun. Plus, fewer children mean fewer conflicts, so limit your
guests to two or four, including your own child.
2. You do not have to babyproof your house completely, but make
it as safe as possible and alert parents to potential dangers.
Perhaps set aside a designated play area and close the doors to
any rooms you do not want children to enter.
3. Put away favorite toys so your child will not have to worry
about sharing. Also, put away popular toys if you only have one.
For example, if you have only one riding toy, youngsters are
likely to fight over it, so put it away until after the
playdate. Alternatively, you could ask your guests to bring
their own favorite riding toys.
4. Don't expect too much socialization. Most toddlers and
preschoolers parallel play, so do not push them to play
together. Even when youngsters play side by side, they learn a
lot just by watching each other.
5. Intervene in disputes only when necessary and offer
alternative plans. When there is a conflict with sharing, let
the children work things out on their own unless the situation
escalates to violence. In this case, you may need to distract
them with other activities, such as blocks, puzzles, or bubbles,
so have items like these on hand.
6. Encourage cooperative play with toys such as bubbles,
modeling clay, blocks, sand box, or age-appropriate games. Some
parents find that starting the playdate with one of these shared
activities gets the playdate off to a good start. Definitely do
not turn on the television or put on a video! The children are
supposed to play during a playdate, not watch television.
7. Offer snacks. This is a great way to calm things down if
things start getting out of hand or to liven things up if the
kids are bored. You can even include the children in
preparation. However, check with the parent first to make sure
the snack will not interfere with dinner or to find out about
any allergies. If a snack time would interfere with the next
meal, at least offer beverages to your guests.
8. Plan for the playdate to last less than two hours. Children
will get tired of each other and cranky after about an hour and
a half to two hours. It is better to leave the children wanting
more than to extend the time and have the playdate end with
fights and tears.
9. Give a five-minute warning before leaving. This will give the
children time to adjust to leaving.
10. Help pick up toys. Encourage the kids to clean up together
so that no one will be left with a mess. Not to mention, this
will teach your children cooperation and good manners.
Now that you are prepared for a playdate, invite those little
friends over!
About the author:
Carren W. Joye is the author of "A Stay-at-Home Mom's Complete
Guide to Playgroups" (ISBN 0-595-14684-8) and "Homeschooling
More Than One Child: A Practical Guide for Families" (ISBN
0-595-34259-0). A homeschooling mom of four children, she has
founded four successful playgroups and one homeschool support
group. Visit http://www.onlineplaygroup.com for more information
about playgroups.
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